Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good oxygen tank at your side, kid. Oh sure, there are old-timers like Ben here who claim to remember a time when the Earth used to have some sort of mystical “atmosphere,” where a layer of breathable air clung to the planet like a mynock on a power cable. According to him and his little green pal, there used to be these things called “trees” that just pulled carbon dioxide out of the air and replaced it with fresh oxygen. And without even using a nuclear reactor! They say these things grew all together in huge tracts of land called “forests.” You know, like the slogan on their 100% eco cotton T-shirts: “May the forest be with you.” In fact, they say that some of these forests still exist, and if we work hard, we can save them. I say they’re a pair of scruffy nerf herders.

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